OMAC?OH BROTHER EYE GIVE ME POWER TO ENDURE THIS CRAP.
Your Disqus account has been created! Learn more about using Disqus on your favorite communities.Get Started
OMAC was created by Jack Kirby.ONE MAN ARMY CORPSE-AS DOA.Kirby must been clueless as everyone else on this project-the king is dead.long live the king
OMAC #1
OMAC was created by Jack Kirby. I just learned that from the OMAC title page. But I guess it’s fitting that he’s being drawn by Keith Giffen since Giffen seems to have gotten his ability to draw by eating old Jack Kirby comic books. Seriously, it’s just so old fashioned. He might even be drawing a bit more Kirby style than normal here. You know? On purpose. Except Giffen’s OMAC is just a tad different than Kirby’s OMAC.
More of a runner than a weightlifter.No OMAC is jumping-not taking a dump
The title of this issue is “Office Management Amidst Chaos”. I guess I don’t have to make a whole bunch of ‘What does OMAC stand for?’ jokes because they’re going to do it themselves! OMAC stands for One Man Army Corps, by the way. Jack Kirby should have sued the government when the Army started using the slogan ‘An Army of One.’
I don’t think that outfit is work appropriate. It must be Friday.
Jody Robbins is looking for her boyfriend. But he’s nowhere to be found and his computer monitor has a picture of OMAC on it! I wonder if he might be OMAC!? It’s possible because OMAC smashes through the wall like Kool-Aid and begins taking orders from Kevin’s computer monitor. And when Jody calls for Kevin, OMAC looks toward her.
Okay, big deal, this Kevin guy is OMAC. The real question is who is OMAC? And maybe a fantastic question would be who is Kevin? Oh! A mythical question might be who is the person giving OMAC orders through the computer? And then an urban legend question could be what does OMAC want with Cadmus? This paragraph is starting to sound like the last minute of every Soap episode. But since OMAC has been cancelled, will any of these questions be answered?
The disembodied computer voice speaking to OMAC is trying to get back into the basement of Cadmus. It’s using OMAC as its body and its weapon. The basement of Cadmus is a strange place. Lots of genetic experiments running around. OMAC runs into a guy named Dubbilex who can read minds. He begins to learn some of OMAC’s secrets but OMAC slaps him into unconsciousness. Then a woman attacks him. She turns out to be a Build-a-Friend and guns come out of her face. She blasts away at OMAC but OMAC slaps her into debris. Next, a bunch of little gobbling monster dogs come trotting out to eat OMAC but OMAC slaps them into jelly.
OMAC and the voice reach the mainframe and merge with it. The voice grabs all of the files and then they escape by teleportation. Kevin awakens in the middle of Arizona. Or New Mexico. He has no memory beyond having gone to the bathroom. But the voice, calling itself Brother Eye, calls him from space. Brother Eye is a satellite that looks like an eye! It claims Kevin’s life is now its and that Kevin should probably call his girlfriend because she’s worried about him.
And that’s it. I guess with a comic about a big hulking blue brute, I shouldn’t expect there to be a lot to it! Just a lot of smashing and OMAC barely able to put three words together and a voice guiding the brutish thing. It’s another one of those comics that the first issue just isn’t long enough with 20 pages. You don’t get a decent chance to figure out what’s going on. I imagine a lot of people didn’t buy this title because OMAC isn’t exactly a popular character. Or a known character for most people! And after this first issue, I don’t see a lot of people being intrigued by it or feeling they care enough to know what happens next.
Anyway, I’m sure there will be a lot of people getting beat up.
OMAC #2
The video for Teardrop is probably what Pro-Lifers think is really going on in the womb. At all stages. Forever.
It turns out OMAC no longer stands for One Man Army Corps. Probably because DC already had Men of War and who needs another military book, amirite? Unless Blackhawks counts. And speaking of Men of War (although I should save this for the Men of War post): does DC expect its readers to be anything but cynical about its reboot motivations when it cancels Men of War and replaces it with GI Combat? Oh look! The war book was cancelled due to low numbers. Maybe we should replace it with another war book! Then we can use all the stories we were going to do for Men of War in GI Combat! And people will buy it because it’s a new title instead of that old title which sucked! I know there are more changes than that. But what’s really happening is DC is changing one war book that didn’t sell with another war book that will never sell as well as they want because they put JT Krul at the helm! Fuck. Really? Eat me, DC! You are so lucky I get 13 titles free each month or I would start beginning to possibly consider maybe not purchasing one of your 52 titles! Stupid suck ass JT Krul.Actually,DC Comics was handed a bunch of lemons from Jolly Jack King Kirby-because allot of people,they wanted believe,what was just a nickname by Stan Lee,to sell Marvel Comics would help sell some more comics
I would have called it the Overwhelming Military Ambiguity Container.
Oh yeah, returning to my previous thought, OMAC now stands for One Machine Attack Construct. Which sounds like he’ll be beating the the hell out of tons of shit even more than when he was a One Man Army! It also sounds like Kevin has acquired a perfected version of the virus that the Suicide Squad had to stop. Sort of. A little bit. If you squint and kick yourself in the balls. Which I just did before having that thought. Am I the only person in the world who can’t sit comfortably and correctly in an office chair? Generally I just squat in it like a [insert foreign type that squats a lot].
As you can probably read in that panel I posted, Brother Eye thinks he’s controlling Kevin. He’s probably right. He can probably flip the OMAC switch any time he wants. Let me guess: Kevin is now going to wander the Earth like Carradine’s character (my friend Ken via Instant Messenger: “Not sure how to spell it, but it’s Quay Chang Cane” Close!) in Kung Fu or Bruce David Banner in The Hulk.
OMAC THE TELEVISION SERIES BY ME!
EPISODE ONE: Only Men Are Callous
Kevin Kho wanders through the Southwest. He ends up in Santa Fe wandering around a local artist fair. A man walks by a native themed pottery stand and scoffs! Kevin begins to feel weird. Brother Eye can’t stand smugness! Kevin erupts into OMAC and smashes everything including the scoffer’s skull! The police ride up on burros to arrest him but OMAC runs into an alley and changes back to Kevin. Kevin pouts about all the lives he’s hurt but just as he’s about to turn his back on the scene, he sees the pottery artist smile and hug her pot! He turns and walks away into the desert with sad music playing.
EPISODE ONE: Only Men Are Callous
Kevin Kho wanders through the Southwest. He ends up in Santa Fe wandering around a local artist fair. A man walks by a native themed pottery stand and scoffs! Kevin begins to feel weird. Brother Eye can’t stand smugness! Kevin erupts into OMAC and smashes everything including the scoffer’s skull! The police ride up on burros to arrest him but OMAC runs into an alley and changes back to Kevin. Kevin pouts about all the lives he’s hurt but just as he’s about to turn his back on the scene, he sees the pottery artist smile and hug her pot! He turns and walks away into the desert with sad music playing.
OMAC’s origin story!
This issue, I learn that Cadmus is in Metropolis! And Checkmate makes its first actual appearance (I think) investigating OMAC’s attack on Cadmus. That chick that looks like Jonni DC Continuity Cop in the above panel is a Checkmater. And Cadmus is a part of Checkmate. The only Checkmate comics I read were the ones that crossed over with Suicide Squad. I wasn’t really interested in them but this following bit in OMAC makes them look about 15 percent more interesting than 20 years ago. That’s pretty slow growth.
I guess I was wrong about them being a United States agency. Except I guess they are! They’re just privatized, really!
After throwing his cell phone away in the desert because Brother Eye kept talking to him through it, Kevin Banner Caine walks into Wayne, Texas. How is he going to get home to Metropolis without a cell phone?! How is he going to take instagram pictures of his trip and post them to Twitter?! He’s going to fall so far behind on his tumblr time wasting! This Kevin is in some serious trouble!
Kevin stops into a bar and ends up in the middle of this situation:
I would have gone with the name Rockest.
Oh, turns out the guy’s name really is Rocker! His codename is Amazing Man and he worked for Checkmate before Cadmus gave him his rock man abilities.
No relation to this Amazing Man. As far as I know.
It looks like Brother Eye teleported OMAC into this little Texas town to capture Rocker. I think OMAC just turned into the 13 Ghosts of Scooby Doo and Pokemon as well as Kung Fu and The Hulk. Is OMAC going to be sent from place to place to capture escaped Cadmus projects? OMAC ends up throwing a building at him.
Well then maybe you should have sent a poet to capture him!
The Amazing Rocker Man absorbs stuff. So it just absorbs that building. But after OMAC literally punches his face off (yes, literally literally, not figuratively literally!), Rocker decides to absorb OMAC’s power. Which is, of course, what Brother Eye wanted all along. Once Rocker is full of OMAC circuitry, Brother Eye uploads him into his satellite for later use. With the fight over, Brother Eye teleports OMAC to Metropolis. No, just kidding! He only teleports him to the bus station in Fort Worth. Kevin can find his own miserable way back home!
You know, after Brother Eye sends him on on another mission to Louisiana. Also, the last page big surprise reveal just makes the Reboot even more less of a reboot.
So he’s back? Again again again? Again?
I was going to end there but needed an addendum. I just read all of Maxwell Lord’s confusing history. In an off-hand way, I knew a bunch of it. Like how he killed Ted and how Wonder Woman broke his neck. But I hadn’t known about all of the OMAC stuff he was involved in and how he ended up running Checkmate. So this comic makes a lot more sense as one of the titles of the New 52. And that nano-virus in Suicide Squad looks to actually have been this OMAC virus that Maxwell Lord tried to release on the world. Which is why Checkmate arrived at the scene after Suicide Squad killed everyone.
You know, knowing a lot about the DC Universe really helps explain what is supposed to be some kind of reboot. I suppose just changing all the titles to Issue One was reboot enough. Why ditch all of the history?! Now I have to wonder about all the people who bitched and moaned about the reboot. Are they just sad that they aren’t picking up Detective Comics #794882?
OMAC #3
Mind prepared to be blown!
According to the cover, OMAC is going to be fighting The Shrimp Faced Man. He is on his way to Louisiana, so that makes sense! But also according to the cover after I learned to read a little more, he’s actually called The Psi-Fi Man! Get it?!
This month’s adventure is called:
These titles sound like games from the television show, Banzai!
Kevin finds himself in Shreveport without any money. So Brother Eye talks to him from an ATM machine and begins spitting out money. Brother Eye also put Kevin on the FBI’s most wanted list so that he’d be arrested and thrown in a prison where the Psi-Fi Kid is running everything! That Brother Eye is just a manipulative jerk. And everything always works out exactly how he planned it! So he’s a smart ass as well.
Fasten your helmet belts!
This is the Psi-Fi Man. He can sense Brother Eye and he knows about OMAC. He may want to do to Brother Eye what Brother Eye wants to do to him: absorb his power and information into his super mind. Brother Eye senses it too and cuts his conversation with Maxwell Lord short so he can concentrate on the battle against Psi-Fi Man.
Meanwhile, Maxwell Lord has traced Brother Eye’s transmission to his satellite. Lord sends a team of elite Checkmate agents to destroy the satellite. The agents are Sarge Steel, Little Knipper, and Maribel. Ooh! Sounds so threatening!
Try and guess who’s who! Hint: Little Knipper is neither an ironic nor a racist nickname.
Oops! Correction. Apparently Maxwell Lord gave his team coordinates to the prison where OMAC just transformed. I guess that makes more sense than sending them into orbit without any spacesuits. Although their ‘ambient tech’ could probably have transformed into spacesuits. Checkmate’s ‘Ambient Tech’ really just looks like Green Lantern’s power ring. They can make weapons and things from their thoughts alone. Too bad the Oans didn’t get a patent on the technology. Dumb dumbs!
And then a whole bunch of action takes place that isn’t mind blowing at all! The cover lied in puns! What does happen is Psi-Fi Man takes a back seat to the Checkmate and doesn’t appear again until the end of the issue where the reader learns he escaped during the melee. Checkmate gets OMAC on the ropes and Brother Eye berates him the way your coach who is also your father berates you on the baseball field.
OMAC should just hold on to the ball when the next kid bunts it to him and let everyone score. Then walk off the field to his mommy. That’ll show Brother Eye!
This whole situation pisses OMAC off and he yells, “SHUT UP!” while smashing everything. I’m pretty sure he wanted to yell, “OMAC SMASH!” but the lawyers wouldn’t let him. After that, OMAC heads home.
That is probably just the right amount of things to be said.The one reason DC Jack Kirby didn't work their was no DC Stan Lee to go along with him.
OMAC #4
Last issue blew my mind. I hope this issue blows something else!
This issue is called “Offline Messaging, Annoying Circumstances.” I’m not impressed! Page one is failing to entertain me! I’ve only had 3 hours of sleep in the last 36 hours so something better grab my attention quick!
Oh yeah! I’d already forgotten that he was Obsessive Compulsive. I hope that translates to the way OMAC fights pretty soon. So he’ll have to tap his right hip five times before throwing a punch. And he can only punch opponents bigger than him with his left hand and opponents smaller than him with his right hand. You know, maybe that’s why he always repeats one of the last things Brother Eye says. He’s got a little Echolalia going on. That’s compulsive, right?
Back at Checkmate, Maxwell Lord is throwing a tantrum and firing some people and blaming others and hoping Mokarri is doing more than making chicks with heads in their crotches. I don’t think he should hold out much hope though.
I imagine this Build-a-Friend will have a very fuckable neck.
Kevin goes back to work after being gone a full week. Everyone seems to be pissed off at him and then his girlfriend, Jody?, breaks up with him. But probably not really! She’s just hurt that he did some traveling without her and now won’t tell her what he was up to. I think as adults, sometimes you have to just trust other adults. You don’t always need to know everything about everyone. Especially not the person you’re sleeping with!
On this day, Kevin makes a very fateful decision to use the Subway. Brother Eye is adamant that Kevin shouldn’t take the subway. But Kevin doesn’t care. And once he’s in the subway, he realizes he loses connection with Brother Eye! He decides to test out the connection to make sure.
Hey! That’s what I tweeted to Captain Atom when I read that he can hear all tweets! I hope he got my message!
Mokarri’s friend he built actually ends up looking like a normal woman. Too bad! She tracks OMAC’s energy signature to the subway where she drops in some bio-gator seeds. Um. Bio-Gator? What is that? A biological Alligator? Because normally isn’t an alligator technological? Or spiritual?
Kevin runs from the Bio-Gators and flops about the sewers and gets chased by the Bio-Gator’s disembodied heads and finally realizes he needs to turn into OMAC. He makes his way to a place where he can finally gain contact with Brother Eye and Brother Eye forces Kevin to say the phrase that changes him. It’s too embarrassing to type. I’ll whisper it to you: “sssshshssssh”. If you didn’t hear that, I’m not repeating it!
So as OMAC, Kevin handily takes care of the Bio-Gators and Brother Eye returns him to his home. Kevin grudgingly accepts his fate as OMAC. He asks OMAC why he chose him but OMAC won’t discuss that now.
Later, at Checkmate Headquarters…
Aren’t Frank’s bolts supposed to be in his neck? Stupid Keith Giffen.Only the Universal version has the bolts in the neck,stupid.
OMAC #5
The Biggest Crossover since Superboy/Teen Titans!
The title of this issue is “Occasionally Monsters Accidentally Crossover.” That’s pretty good! They could have also called it “Sharing Hero’s Audience Doubles Earnings.”
Frankenstein has been summoned to Checkmate’s headquarters under Mt. Rushmore. Does Checkmate stand for anything? I hope not! It’s apparently funded and run by the United Nations although I thought it was its own private organization. The Blackhawks are also covert and run by the United Nations. And SHADE must also be covert and run by the United Nations because they’re Checkmate’s sister squad. Maybe SHADE is just run by the Americans. I don’t know! It’s hard enough remembering lots of words that I can make SHADE stand for!
How can he know that?! Does he understand the meaning of the word ‘covert’?
Frankenstein is off to catch OMAC and bring him in. And I guess Frankenstein’s bolts are supposed to be on the side of his head. I guess they’re keeping his skullcap on instead of his head. Checkmate tries to send the operatives with the silly names but Frankenstein doesn’t want to work with a bunch of normal humans that have code-names like Castle and The Horsey and The Piece That Can Only Go Diagonally!
I smell lawsuit! Big green guy who knows how to smash? Yeah. Somebody should sue!
Frankenstein keys into OMAC’s energy signature and drops out of the sky on Kevin. Kevin notices just in the nick of time to say the thing he says to turn into OMAC which I will not repeat! Omactually, maybe I can learn to Omaccept the phrase and type it: Omactivate. Yes. OMACTIVATE! So he says that and a big fight begins where buildings and cars are thrown about.
Property values in Metropolis must be atrocious. And insurance premiums outrageous!
A gigantic fight ensues with lots and lots of property damage. During the street brawl, Brother Eye and SHADE battle each other on a nanotechnical and informational level. Brother Eye ends up getting the better of SHADE and escaping the encounter with access to their files. And the street brawl ends when Brother Eye teleports OMAC away from the fight just as Frankenstein is about to put him down.
I’m sure losing an arm is no big deal to Frankenstein.
The fight ends with no real winner. Is that why it needs to continue in Frankenstein’s comic? Kevin reappears back in the bathroom at Cadmus with a giant green arm attached to his wrist. What’s he going to do with that? Flush it? And the issue ends with some mysterious Grand Director of Cadmus issuing orders to the scientists in the secret lab to finish up their project to defeat everything so that they can take control of something called the Genesis technology.
Yeah, I don’t know where that came from. I guess they needed a new plot for next issue and wanted to get a jump on it.
OMAC #6
Sweet Leilani looks a bit like Blackfire, Starfire’s sister.
This episode of OMAC is called “One More Amorous Conflict”! Look at that poor exclamation point all alone outside the quotation marks. Awww. It’s having an amorous conflict of its own! Pushed outside instead of being hugged tightly to the lowercase t. It’s so sad.
I bet that exclamation point has a better story to tell than OMAC! Or not. I haven’t actually read this comic book yet. The series ends on Issue #8. If I were writing it and they cancelled my title, I’d just make nine panels of OMAC sitting on the curb pouting on every single page of the last three issues. But I guess Dan DiDio probably played a major role in canceling his own title! Boy, that must have been a hard conversation to have with himself.
"Hey, Dan."
“Yes Dan?”
“I know you probably thought that you were going to write the best comic in the New 52, you know, seeing as how you’re pretty much the big head honcho.”
“Oh, yeah. Totes.”
“Yeah. Um. Totes. Anyway, have you seen how well it’s been selling?”
“No, I haven’t seen the numbers yet. Been too busy whipping Jim Lee while he sits at his desk and making sure Keith Giffen doesn’t slip any “Didio has a small dick” joke into the OMAC art.”
“Well, we’d better sit down for this.”
“That good, hunh?”
“DiDio, we’re cancelling our title. I’m so sorry.”
“That fucking idiot Keith Giffen! I knew his art fucking sucked! And his jokes were terrible! Did you see what he tried to say about me in Ambush Bug: Year None, Issue #6!? Yeah, it wasn’t a joke that we never published #6! Half the comic was pictures of me fucking my own mother! I would have fired that asshole right then and there if Keith didn’t have that iron clad clause in his contract signed by Julius Schwartz that gives him a writing career at DC in perpetuity! Fucking prick!”
“Um, yeah, yeah. It was all Giffen’s fault. The, um, bastard.”
“Yes Dan?”
“I know you probably thought that you were going to write the best comic in the New 52, you know, seeing as how you’re pretty much the big head honcho.”
“Oh, yeah. Totes.”
“Yeah. Um. Totes. Anyway, have you seen how well it’s been selling?”
“No, I haven’t seen the numbers yet. Been too busy whipping Jim Lee while he sits at his desk and making sure Keith Giffen doesn’t slip any “Didio has a small dick” joke into the OMAC art.”
“Well, we’d better sit down for this.”
“That good, hunh?”
“DiDio, we’re cancelling our title. I’m so sorry.”
“That fucking idiot Keith Giffen! I knew his art fucking sucked! And his jokes were terrible! Did you see what he tried to say about me in Ambush Bug: Year None, Issue #6!? Yeah, it wasn’t a joke that we never published #6! Half the comic was pictures of me fucking my own mother! I would have fired that asshole right then and there if Keith didn’t have that iron clad clause in his contract signed by Julius Schwartz that gives him a writing career at DC in perpetuity! Fucking prick!”
“Um, yeah, yeah. It was all Giffen’s fault. The, um, bastard.”
Do I still have to read the comic after fantasizing that exchange? That enough? No, it’s not? I still have to read this stupid OMAC book, hunh? Okay. Well, whatevs.
On the first page, OMAC is frying the fuck out of Kevin Kho’s face with his laser fingers! And I think Brother Eye is exploding out of OMAC’s chest and they’re all swimming in lava as well! And Kevin is wearing tighty whiteys and I think the entire thing is some weird sex dream.
No, seriously.
See!
Kevin fell asleep and had this awesome dream while researching his current employer, Cadmus. He also seemed to be researching super heroes since he had a paper near him with Ted Kord and Pamela Isley’s name on it. He also had a screen shot of Batman with a boom cube.
I once had a dream that I was fucking a vampire and as I was doing that, I was holding her down and the sun crept across her face and turned her to ash as we were doing it. Too much personal information?
Brother Eye decides to leave Kevin alone for awhile so he heads off to bother Maxwell Lord over at Checkmate Headquarters which is hidden beneath Mt. Rushmore.Just the one seen in an episode of Buck Rogers.And if you look carefully,you can see Martin Landau stepping on Cary Grant.
I didn’t know Lincoln and Teddy were kissing on Mt. Rushmore!
Brother Eye and Maxwell Lord talk a little bit about a Zero Patient. They LITERALLY talk only a little bit. Neither one seems to want to give the other one any more information than they might already have.
When did the word ‘literally’ become the new ‘seriously’? When did ‘literally’ become an intensifier? When did ‘literally’ basically become ‘figuratively’?! Stupid internet generation.
Maxwell Lord actually knows nothing about Zero Patient and was just bluffing Brother Eye. So Lord calls up Mokarri at Cadmus and yells at him for awhile. Mokarri pretends there is no Zero Patient but by the way he’s looking up at some giant OMACkian purple thing in a Hoth Healing Bubble Tank, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that he’s lying.
And then two kids fall off the face of Checkmate Headquarters because…oh, wait. That’s an ad for the Kubert School. Hey! I’ve never seen Joe Kubert and Maxwell Lord in the same place at the same time! I bet they’d like each other!
Back at Cadmus, Kevin’s co-worker, Tony, wants Kevin to go on a date with him. I mean, he wants to go on a date with some consultant and the consultant will only agree to date Tony if he brings along Kevin. Tony calls it a double date so Kevin invites his girlfriend Jody. I don’t know if that’s what the consultant wanted though. I think she just wanted to date two men at once! Maybe I’m just confabulating that because the consultant never actually appears in the comic and Tony does mention a ‘double date’ and not just a date. Anyway, Jody agrees to go on the date because she needs to keep her mind off the fact that her cousin was just in a horrible plane crash.
No, fucking seriously!
I haven’t read The Challenger’s of the Unknown comic yet! Now I’m excited because it was mentioned in another comic book I’m reading! Cross-over!
I also don’t think Tony gets the idea of dating and double dating. When you ask a girl out, she should want to go out with you! She shouldn’t be making it a condition that you bring your douchebag friend along. Or your doughnut friend either. I get the feeling Leilani isn’t actually interested in Tony!
This bird is wild!
So they all go out on their date. Kevin tells Jody he’ll never disappear again. Except maybe when he has to make a surprise guest appearance in Justice League International because the Justice Leaguers have been conscious for far too long. And then Leilani arrives and I’m always surprised that Giffen can draw sexy women.
Not that I think he’s a bad artist! It’s just his style can be so goofy at times, I forget he draws better than three quarters of the DC artists that are trying to be dynamic and modern and edgy and sexy. Look, her clothes actually look like clothes instead of painted skin!
They sit down for dinner and things immediately get tense. When Leilani shoves the waiter on his face, everyone begins to think maybe she’s not exactly normal.
Oh great. She’s from Apokolips!
And she’s looking for Mother Box. Is that what they all found over there in the pages of Justice League? Mother Boxes? Or maybe Baby Boxes. Still, I like the name Boom Cubes. When Kevin denies having it, she freaks out and transforms into her Apokolips form. And Kevin OMACTIVATES!
Is this the woman that went by the name Lashina over in Ostrander’s old Suicide Squad run? Or is she just a new Apokolypsian threat?Looks like other comic creators beside Charles Moulton are in SM.An you Wonder Woman was about faminism.
This is the most sensical sexist costume in the DC Universe. Probably because it comes from Apokolips where there is no luxury and good times. Her limbs are well protected for combat where she expects to stay at a decent range using her whip. Her limbs would be most susceptible to attack. And her torso is free to give her greater movement and dexterity while snapping a whip. The strip across her breasts isn’t there to hide the nipples. It’s to keep her mammary glands from swinging wildly and getting in the way since they’re so enormously huge like everything else on Apokolips.
OMAC has actually never heard of Mother Box. And even if he had, how could he tell that to Leilani? “MOTHER…BOX!” “I…KNOW…IT!” “IT…SPACE…TALK!” “WEDGIE!” But Brother Eye has heard of it. Brother Eye says that it is part of what makes Brother Eye and OMAC who they are. It’s an integral part of their team.
Oh yeah! The Female Furies! I remembered Granny Goodness but forgot about her Furies. Bernadeth, I believe, is the black-haired bitch she’s referring to.
OMAC takes Leilani out by reversing the power flow in her whip. He can do this because he and Leilani basically have the same Apokolipsian energy source. Leilani then sends her crow tattoos to suck the power out of OMAC. Which begins to work until Brother Eye shoots down a power surge to OMAC who is then able to smash the crow tattoos to bits. OMAC then chokes Leilani and is about to kill her when she Boom Tubes away, threatening to be back with her Furies at her side!
After the fight, Kevin slinks away like David ‘Bruce’ Banner while Jody and Tony console each other. And then back at Checkmate Headquarters, Brother Eye sends an assassin from Kord Industries to kill Maxwell Lord. But it doesn’t work.
Man, that’s just rude! Did DiDio write this just to get even with Giffen over something Giffen said? Or wrote? Making Giffen basically relive the the trauma of Blue Beetle being shot in the head. What a jerk!Or maybe,it a DC Comics editor finally having enough after a few issues.
After this, Maxwell Lord vows to destroy OMAC and Brother Eye! And he might be successful seeing as how there are only two issues left!
OMAC Issue #6 Rating: +1 Ranking. This was, by far, the best issue of OMAC yet. Very entertaining in that comic book way I’m continually going on and on about in a vague way and never quite explaining what exactly I’m looking for!
OMAC #7
This sounds like one of those “the series has been cancelled” story ideas.
This issue is called “Overnight, Mysterious Animals Converse”. That sounds stupid. It would be a better story if Converse were changed to Copulate. And Animals was changed to Asians. And Mysterious was changed to Midget. And Overnight was changed to Origami. ‘Origami Midget Asians Copulate”? No, no. That’s more of a Doom Patrol story.
OMAC has been causing quite a bit of destruction lately. Especially that time Frankenstein came to town. And since he lives in Metropolis, you had to figure it was only a matter of time before the Alien Boy Scout put a stop to it.
Who is the hooded guy in the background? Some new character in Giffen’s Superman?
Superman beats the crap out of OMAC while the hooded guys stand around and watch. I think they might be Checkmate Pawns. Just before OMAC can be destroyed by Superman, Brother Eye teleports him away from Metropolis and returns him to the form of Kevin so that he can recuperate. While Superman was fighting OMAC, DiDio and Giffen made sure that Superman acted shocked as to how strong OMAC was and that he might be more powerful than Superman.
Well of course he is! For now! It’s OMAC’s title! You can’t have some chump like Superman or Lobo or The Hulk come on over for a visit and declare you’re no match for them! Sure, Superman wins the battle. That’s expected. But Superman still has to pay homage to the Title Character’s abilities!
Brother Eye has transported Kevin to a Zoo in Toledo in the middle of the night under a full moon. And it’s Friday the 13th to boot! Well, at least it is while I’m reading this. So that has to count for something. In the zoo, Kevin checks out the animals.
Is this one of those Captain Carrot and the Zoo Crew deals?
Look at all the animals, Kevin! Look at them! The Warthog stutters like Porky Pig! And the Zebra is scared because he is a prey animal! And the Bear wants more food like Yogi! And the Tiger is GRRRRRREEEEEEEAT!
The New Zoo Crew want to escape the zoo. That’s a new and interesting twist to talking animals in a zoo! Usually they love living there and hanging out doing nothing all day while they wait for the humans to gawk at them. But before the animals escape, they have to rescue the tiger’s father, bigger tiger. He’s the king. So I guess he’s a lion? Kevin agrees to help them because Kevin’s father sacrificed his life to save Kevin when Kevin was only seven.
Really? Kevin has a past worth talking about? Will he tell the story in this issue? Or next issue? Or, well, that would be his last chance actually.
Captain Kevin and the New Zoo Crew head underneath the carousel to confront Warden Gaym, the Zookeeper. Beneath the zoo, they find…wait for it…THE EVIL FACTORY! The animals call it this because it’s where they were all experimented on. And even though the bear and the warthog and the zebra and the little tiger came out of it able to talk and think and act like humans, many of their friends died during the experiments. Probably the Giraffe died. And the elephant died. And the rhino died. And the penguins all died. And the sloth died. And the flamingos died. And the goats died. And the red pandas died. And the normal black and white pandas died. And the otters died. And the monkeys died. That’s all the kinds of animals I know.
They stumble upon Warden Gaym but he’s ready to face them with his greatest weapon: Tuffy the Tiger’s Father!
If you can’t fight then don’t fight th…. Oh, I get it. You can’t fight the command to kill. Carry on then.
The animals seem to be able to handle Mr. Tuffy, Tuffy’s father. So Kevin turns into OMAC and chases down Warden Game who claims to be the half-brother of Mokarri over at Cadmus. He also turns out to be a monkey.
No. NO! Choose a different name.
Can't .Jack Kirby created me.I'm sacred
Tuffy ends up having to kill his father, Mr. Tuffy, to save all of his friends. When he does this, he distracts OMAC who can’t help watching the drama and Simyan gets away! Brother Eye doesn’t really care about that. Brother Eye wanted all of the information in the Evil Factory’s computer banks. But once OMAC gets there, Brother Eye realizes the place has nothing he needs and is simply an abomination. He tells OMAC to destroy it. Afterward, the New Zoo Crew parts ways with Kevin as friends.
Oh, I don’t know. They could perhaps form a super group? Or something more evil?
Written and Drawn by Me! S.P.C.A. = Society of Paranormal & Cognitive Animals. Just like OMAC! And SHADE!
OMAC Issue #7 Rating: +1 Ranking. It was stupid fun. Sue me. Plus, it’s time everyone realized that my rankings are complete and utter bullshit! I think they’re all based on my level of mania at the time I’m reading a comic book! Except you can pretty much guarantee that comics at the bottom of the 52 are much worse than comics at the top. And those in the middle, well, who the fuck knows? Sometimes they’re good and sometimes they suck! Hell, nobody’s listening to what I think anyway.
OMAC #8
One More Annoying Comic
This issue is called “Omit, Mutilate, And Cancel”. It begins with Kevin Kho explaining how he is not OMAC. He just turns into that creature against his will. And then he states that this (The Narration Boxes?) is his last will and testament. Is he planning on killing himself because his life has become so out of control? Or is he going to try to scare OMAC out of him? Perhaps he’ll threaten suicide until Brother Eye actually believes Kevin might go through with it. Then Brother Eye will be forced to remove OMAC from Kevin as host.
But I think none of that will happen. I’m pretty sure Kevin will come to terms with being OMAC and then go over and hang out with Justice League International as their bodyguard.
Kevin tells the story of his flight from Cambodia at six years old. His sisters were nowhere to be found and his mother was wounded. His father told them to keep running while he stayed back to protect them. Kevin never saw his father again. And then his mother died.
Maybe his father and sisters will come back as Massacres?
The narration boxes hang over scenes of OMAC fighting wave after wave of guards. He then begins to fight Sarge and Maribel (no sign of Knipper) as they try to contain him for Maxwell Lord. And in space, Max has sent some space vehicles to destroy Brother Eye’s satellite.
OMAC destroys Checkmate Headquarters during the fight. Just the inside though! Don’t worry, Mt. Rushmore is still standing.
More or less.
During the fight, the narration boxes sort of match up with the action in a metaphoric sense. But they’re pretty boring and standard. “My parents gave me strength.” “Life was hard.” “I found my own way.” “blah blah blah” At the end of the fight, he’s destroyed all of Checkmate’s big weapons and a monster sent from Cadmus before Brother Eye teleports him back to Metropolis (taking Sarge’s hand with him. That teleporting is dangerous).
Kevin teleports into his house where Jody is waiting for him. She needs to know what’s been going on and he says he’ll explain just before the wall explodes outward. Checkmate has found him. And Brother Eye’s hull was intended to be magnetized by Maxwell Lord’s weapons and not destroyed.
So there is also a bunch of asteroids orbiting Earth as well as all the other shit nobody knows about. Maybe everything is hidden by the asteroids orbiting Earth. The asteroids are probably debris left over from when Peraxxus tried to upcycle the Earth.
Before Brother Eye is completely encased in Asteroid and loses contact with OMAC, he energizes Kevin one final time. This time he makes Kevin OMAC permanently. But at least Kevin keeps his own mind this time and doesn’t talk like a retarded Hulk. Max calls off his men because he feels OMAC is no threat. The real threat was Brother Eye. And Jody doesn’t know what to think now that she knows Kevin is OMAC. But it doesn’t really matter because Kevin pushes her away and stomps off out of the comic series.
"The end?" See those quotes? That was in the comic. I wouldn’t write that!
OMAC Issue #8 Rating: No change in Ranking. This comic was a really quick read. The battle wasn’t exciting and the narration boxes seeming to go hand in hand with the action wasn’t anything special. The narration boxes were trite and general and fairly cliché. What kept it from being a total disappointment was the way they kept their story open-ended. They left OMAC usable for other comics by giving him Kevin’s mind and brain and his own free will. But they also kept from destroying Brother Eye and encasing him in solid rock so that he can still be a future threat. And Maxwell Lord is obviously going to continue to be up to no good. So OMAC may be over but I’m sure they’ll find a place in the New DCU to tell more of his story. Or at least more of Maxwell Lord’s story.
No comments:
Post a Comment